the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
