I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
