I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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