youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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