you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
