Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
