We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize