Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
