need another drink. this is the easiest way
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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