i wish my penis had a tongue
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
