I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
