not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
