mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
