dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
