the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
