just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
