I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
