Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
