if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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