That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
