he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
