I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize