zippers are such a cool invention
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
