She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
