i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
