YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
