You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
