Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
