I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
