Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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