I wannas sexs uuuuu
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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