apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize