Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
