I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
