out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
We got so high we made milksteak
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
