I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
