i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
