im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
