Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
