oh god the rape fog is back!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You are the jesus of drinking
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
