If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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