You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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