Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Can I color on your dick again?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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