I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
