The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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