she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
