lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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