K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
