Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
