Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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