Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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