Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
