you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I accidentally burped into my bong.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize