I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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