Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
