This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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