my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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