Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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