and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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