dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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