ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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