Don't make out with my wife yet
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
why do cheetos always look like penises
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
