bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
