her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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