At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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