her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
