What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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