I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
