So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
