remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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