These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize